119. ITS BEEN A FUNNY SORT OF WEEK
WELL, what happened was that I like a huge number of others like to watch porn, logically the follow on from that is to watch it for real and that can mean cuckold if you’re a married man like me.
Now cuckold to some means having a large black screwing the good lady. Now I am not racist, you sir could be black brown yellow red or white and it don’t bother me a jot; to screw my misses you just need a dick and a sense of humour cos though I wish to watch, I don’t expect to be treated like I am some sort of week or wobbly Nancy boy, I don’t cross dress, or touch forelock, I don’t wear a chastity device, or have a super small dick either.
I just love a pint or three and to watch the lady I love respect and cherish enjoy a good poking by someone else!
It`s not rocket science. I am not gay or usually bi but if circumstances demand and I`m in the zone, yes cleaning both the wife and the stud can be fun and if he asked I suspect I would suck dick screw or be screwed in a case of go with the flow…
However at 6 ft 5 and 19 stone I am not going to be abused or trod on I have been good enough to lend the lady in my life to a chap to screw, he can be good enough to respect that and enjoy her, do his best for her and respect us both.
I shared my wife a couple of times in the past during my service years, it`s easier there cos every few years you get sent off somewhere new with fresh folk, and of course the f****y , that`s the greater f****y , usually are not in earshot if things did get leaked. As a civvi it`s not quite so easy as in the main you stay pretty much in the same group of people and everyone knows you and your folks in a local area, be it street, village , town or city!
Just think about it, most average folk tend to want to get on in life and don’t need scandal, and the one thing folk love to pass on is a bit of juicy scandal its nature, sadly.
Thus it was with all this in mind my mate Bergy expressed an interest in my misses.
Now let`s get things right my misses is no tall willowy blond with a fab figure, not any more anyway, not that she was ever blond or willowy.
No she has always had brown hair, when I met her all those years ago she had a nice smile but was shortish and shall we say of average if tidy build.
Since then she`s added a pound or three, has had three k**s, one of each sex, Mary, James and Rodney are up and gone now Mary`s a wren, James is in the SAS and Rodney is in the pokey, though he should have been in the Middlesex regiment now if he hadn’t stolen the recruiting sergeants car! They do tell me he`s a popular chap on e wing though.
Nature has taken its toll on both of us, the wife and I, in reality things turning south a bit back, a lack of exercise on my part since I left the services has moved me up 4 stone, there being few outlets for my particular trade nowadays, (street gas lamp lighter) though I have not allowed progress to have diminished my good looks or energetic outlook any, I can still down a pint or two with the best of them, and I can supervise the wife`s gardening with skill and a keen eye while being still first at the TV remote beating all comers!
Nature has not been quite so kind to my Mandy though. She`s got a consistent figure really, 42, 43, 44… 42 DD tits with long nipples that touch her navel easily, a wide belly that hangs over the mons in a thick belt, and legs like tree trunks attached to a big wobbly arse, and that I must tell you are most smackable after a few pints though it is an acquired taste I grant you. It is true that she`s not every-mans choice but well we`ve grown used to one another and I really can`t replace the poor cow at her time of life, I mean I am still a bit of a catch myself but she would never be lucky enough to replace me and would be lonely so I keep her on for sex, housekeeping, cooking and the heavy work.
Anyway as I said I have a friend, being a popular sort I have a few, but this one, Bergy, he`s a wooden spoon whittler by trade and like me is between jobs, and is kinky about ladies with rubinesque figures shall we say, thin ladies don’t get over his sexual doorstep and the bigger the better!
His last lady was 54, and 27 stone, but she did the unthinkable for him and had a tummy tuck then joined weight watchers… she didn`t last long after that I can tell you, she`s now only 12 stone and he having turned her out as being unfaithful or was it undesirable, well it was one of those anyway, he is now looking for a new woman!
Anyway the local social club where we normally meet, held a dance, now me dancing …well no its not for me, so Bergy being a real `gent’ stood in, he rushed her onto the floor stopped dead and let nature take its course and they were applauded to the rafters for style . either way to cut a short story shorter let`s say he was smitten and while she was away touching up the war-paint, or whatever these women do in the bog, he said how attractive my wife was. Well I did a double take then lent him a tissue to clean his glasses thinking the drink had got to his eyes. “No” he assured me he particularly liked the “fuller figure” the smooth talking prat!!
He offered me drinks all night if he could “have my wife carnally if my pot being refilled all evening”, bl**dy wordsmith, anyway I said if he could chat her into bed he was welcome but I wanted to watch, and that was agreed.
Bergy turned into prince charming and when Mandy came back he started his chat-line.
It was wonderful to listen too, silver tongued elegance, wonderful stuff, it went something like …”hi sweety, I`ve asked your old man an` he sez if I can get you to a bed I can `ave yoo.”
She replied “Oh did he now!” scowling at me
“Yep an he sez-ee wants to watch!”
Turning to me she smiled sickly and said “Oy you nosey bastard, cant I even get chatted and screwed without you sticking yer ore in and wanting to watch?”
I smiled sweetly and replied I was going to be there so she did not wear out my mate, and to see fair play” and then explained that I might put more than my oar in if she was lucky!
She turned to him and said “was he free all weekend then (it was Friday night) as if he was going to get any at all she wanted shagging properly”, and then went on to say that he may need all next week off to recuperate if he went with her!! She was probably joking but Bergy being Bergy took it as a challenge, saying “if she was that energetic he would bring a rope and tie her down!”
Now what Bergy didn’t know was that my misses loves a bit of bondage, always has and I hadn’t mentioned it so it was an inspired guess or a lucky comment,
She did say that “she fancied that and was he serious?” T
I told you it was a silver tongued affair did I not.
He said with a laugh “he would nip home and fetch his ropes if she was in that mood” and she then said he was “to do just that but to be back before closing time and to get another round in, before he went.”
Well fair does he did get the round and quickly vanished on his mate Tim`s bike, he returned ½ an hour later with nosebleed and bearing a canvas bag, he was just in time to get her another gin, and said “he fell off the bl**dy bike he had been in such a rush and the bag had caught in the wheel.”
He was obviously now taking her joke seriously, so when the bell rang for last orders we were soon off together for the short stagger home.
We clung together for a bit of support, Bergy still muttering about his nose, and his shirt now with a pattern of bl**d on it which my misses said would wash in our machine, she seeming to have forgotten we use a launderette our machine having died weeks ago. Either way after a number of try`s at getting the key in the lock we staggered into our hall and I put on the kettle in our kitchen while they wobbled into the living room. I soon joined them to find him sat in his vest, his shirt she had collected and put in the tumble dryer, having mistaken it for our washer, at least that was her story and it would have been more plausible if she had not done the same with his trousers, cos when I said in his vest, that`s exactly what I meant …just his vest and pants!
Now Bergy is endowed like a black, the thing is like a baby`s arm, and thick as a rolling pin, and it must be said so is he, but well he`s a nice enough chap and his twin b*****r Trigger has appeared on fools and horses on TV so it pays to be keeping in with even this sad link to stardom.
Anyway kettle whistling its nut off, so I potter back to the kitchen and make three mugs of coffee, to sober us all up. By this time our parrot is awake on its perch eyeing up Berge’s dick like a tasty snack, so I put a sheet over him, he was less than impressed and quickly removed the cloth and put it over the parrot.
We drank the coffee and it did counter the first five pints a bit I will say, but it did nothing for the gins or the rest of the pints after Bergy started buying so with the gas heater on and the warm room, we soon all passed out the two of them on the couch and me in my old armchair.
I came too at about three am head like a drum, bladder like a tanker, toddled to the downstairs bog, and when I returned switched down the heat and put off the light and wished I could switch off my head as easily…
One of the others must have been disturbed and trying to find his or her way to the bog stubbed its toe, I recognised the manly voice and the terrible language …it was Mandy.
Anyway she hobbled off to the bog and on her way back leaving the kitchen light on she prodded me as only a woman can grunted “you awake!” and gave me a shake.
“I bl**dy are now you daft cow!” I replied in my sweetest tone I could manage, which she as women do, managed to ignore.
“What are we going to do about that” she asked jerking the thumb at Bergy, (we you will note,)
I asked if the `we’ was plural, and she gave me one of her loving taps, so my head started to ring with the combined f***e of hangover and clout.
She referred to me in a stage whisper as a “dozy pillock”, and said “I had led him on for a few free drinks!” well I of course denied it saying that ”she was the one who suggested ropes and she knew he was without a woman and had been for a while”
“Whatever!” She said; “what are we now going to do to get rid of him, cos I don’t want that bl**dy giant thing in me?” pointing at the bulge in his y fronts.
I said “I had no idea, but it would be dawn soon so she had better think of something quickly or when he woke he would have his rope round her and the trouser snake in use in a matter of minutes!” as I was midway to turning over and going back to sl**p, she again caught me a loving tap it assisted me to find the oblivion I was so keenly seeking.
I worked…
When I came too it was light, she was in the kitchen the kettle was singing and Bergy was looking dazed and still laid on the long couch now surrounded by rope.
My head had the Swiss secret drum corps doing its best to play their whole act at once, one drummer playing each piece and all at the same moment! … I needed to think.
She pottered into view bearing coffee and aspirins and we all silently drank. Thinking as I do every Saturday at about this time `never again!’
Mandy brightly said “did you enjoy the show last night?”, and then berating me for leaving her tied up so long!”
Now me I was, as I said not on form… so I grunted non committal and she went on that “Bergy boy here” jerk of the thumb at my mate “was like a lion last night was he not?” and saying she had “enjoyed it immensely.”
Now me, well, either I was mentally unhinged, or I had seriously missed something, then the penny hit the mechanism and I realised she was scared of his tool and hoped to convince him he had had her last night and forgotten it so that all bets were off….
Bergy ever the statesman eyed her seriously, fingering the rope in one hand contemplatively fingering it, then he put his other hand on hers, held it tenderly then told her gently but firmly “she was lovely, was a fine sexual partner, ”but that he had just passed out last night and she was a lying cow!” she tried to withdraw her hand and he gripped it hard slipping the rope round her wrist and whopping the loose end round her other hand in a most cowboy fashion before you could say boo! She was soon trussed up like a boiling fowl and her tits were out. It was masterly and bl**dy slick. He might not be brain of Britain this Bergy fellow but he`s bl**dy quick at that, credit where its due!
“Now I know we didn’t do anything” he said, fixing her with a hard eye; “as firstly you have no marks, second you can walk properly and that was the clincher, because when a wench has this k**ney wiper of mine up her she don’t run off and begin walking right for days after!”
My Mandy spluttered a bit at that, but big B just shrugged and said “well a bargain is a bargain you drank my gin last night so it`s my turn now,” then he slung her over his shoulder and carted her up a flight of stairs as if she was a sack of coals, nodding at me “come on mate you can watch if you have a mind!”
Now I am a big lad but I thought twice about tackling Bergy especially now he was in this superman mood, and Mandy had clouted me twice that morning so she could `have some’ for my revenge.
Through heavy eyelids I finished my coffee then trailed along behind them, grabbing the ropes and bag as I went.
By the time I got to the bedroom she was just finishing getting naked and with the ropes he had and the ones I had fetched she was soon spread-eagled in the classic star of surrender. She must have realised the futility of her situation and complied though she was not happy hissing at me “was I either man or mouse?” And telling me to defend her honour. I like a bit of cheese myself, so I explained that she had d***k his gin…
I was cursed loudly.
He began fingering her sex when he had moved the spare tyre and found it nestling in the bracken she calls pubic hair. Her complaints turned to groans, and then noticeably her body began to relax as he started to fetch her nearer to a small climax.
First one finger, then two, followed by three four and then the whole hand vanished in the undergrowth as she began to enjoy the sensations he was shareing with her.
I sat on the ottoman and watched, my head slowly clearing as my mate ravaged my ladies body it was masterly as he fetched her to the boil it must be said that the man was a genius with his hands.
He removed his hand and bid me have a try while he “got his strides off.” And then like a gentleman he held her tyre up while I slipped my tiny claw into her, it slid in to her like rail traffic into the channel tunnel, my god she was dilated. My little hand felt no resistance as it slithered into the warm wet cavity. I had never been so deep into such a place before. Oh I had fingered her and not just once but this was like wearing a glove puppet and my wrist watch was all that was stopping my arm from vanishing.
My jaw fell open and I felt around expecting to find treasure or a cave troll at any second, she all this time was groaning, and wailing, while he was getting naked. “Right he said let the dog see the rabbit, so I withdrew the wet wrist and sat back on the ottoman as he slid the giant tools head into her body, he began to move slowly and deliberately adding perhaps half an inch to each stroke, her groaning again something fierce, as she was slowly filled, and I suspect stretched, by this enormous phallus that was penetrating her body so intensely.
She began to scream, not a pained scream just incoherent babbling screams of joy and lust.
I had to take myself in hand it was just too much, Bergy had me stand and give her something to in his words “Shut the silly bitch up matey she will wake the local docker`s”
I did so with some trepidation remembering her curse from earlier, but by now she was enjoying it so much it could have been king-Kong or dumbo`s trunk and she would have still given it head.
We all finished in a triumphal climax, seed spilling into her mouth and guts at the same second, and she writhing and gurgling in her ropes as she experienced a massive orgasm.
After we released her and she cooked dinner for us suggesting we meet again next Friday as she had never been so well filled.
She started walking properly on the Tuesday by the way and he went home in one of my shirt`s .
As I said; “It`s been a funny sort of week.”