I used to go to surfin\u2019 at Torquay or Jan Juc or Bell\u2019s Beach with my flatmate. To tell the truth, Gazza was more than my flatmate. I was in love with him. He wasn\u2019t in love with me though. Oh, he liked havin\u2019 me around. And when he didn\u2019t have a girlfriend over he was happy enough to fuck me. Sometimes when he did he\u2019d even call out my name as he emptied himself into me. But when he\u2019d picked up some chick at a bar he wouldn\u2019t even talk to me when he got home with her. Too afraid of what his women would think about his \u2018flatmate\u2019, I reckon.
We would go down from the city on Friday evenin\u2019s, and head back on Sunday afternoons, and we\u2019d find a place to crash in one of the caravan parks or on the beach if it was the end of the month and we were short. I loved goin\u2019 with him. He treated me like shit, but it beat stayin\u2019 at home on my tod. The surfin\u2019 almost made up for everythin\u2019. I\u2019d go out and for a while I had no problems, no worries. Just the sea, and the air, paddlin\u2019 hard to catch a good break, then the magic of the slide along the face of the wave, the sea green and white around you, the board slicin\u2019 through the water, crestin\u2019 the water, makin\u2019 you feel as if you were flyin\u2019.
When I got tired I would strip off my wetsuit \u2013 the water was almost always freezin\u2019, but often the sun was too warm on the thick black neoprene \u2013 and lie around on my towel enjoyin\u2019 the scenery. Some blokes wear board shorts to surf in, but that\u2019s in places where the water\u2019s warm. Where it\u2019s cold, you need a wetsuit, and board shorts are a pain underneath a wetsuit, they get all crumpled up and itch and irritate. So we used to wear speedos. I had a couple, but my favourite were sapphire, because they made my tan look better and matched my eyes and my blond hair. I liked the way they showed off my bum and my doings. The day I met Mattie, I was wearin\u2019 the sapphire pair.
I noticed this guy sittin\u2019 by himself on the sand, a couple of metres away. I\u2019d been surfin\u2019 since before dawn, when the sea is glassy and clear. It had turned into a perfect day, the air warm, but not too hot, like it can get here sometimes in summer, and just a faint sea breeze. I stripped off my wetsuit and lay down on my towel. I look at guys as well as chicks, but I try not to let the blokes see I\u2019m doin\u2019 it. I suppose you\u2019d say I was bi, but the truth is that I loved Gazza and I thought that if I ever got someone else, I\u2019d rather get a bloke than a woman. I didn\u2019t want to get married and settle down. And though I loved women and fuckin\u2019 women \u2013 that moment when you slide into a wet pussy has to be one of the best around \u2013 I didn\u2019t want responsibility and all that stuff. I know. You can think what you like of me. And you\u2019d have the last laugh, because in the end I did get married, and it was pretty good. It was fuckin\u2019 fantastic. You just hafta find the right person.
Mattie was a looker, in both senses. He was amazin\u2019ly handsome, with thick curly brown hair bleached tan at the ends by salt and sun, pale blue eyes, a straight, thin aristocratic nose, the kind of chin which still looks good even when you get jowls, a dancer\u2019s neck column, shoulders like Superman, and pecs to match. He was wearin\u2019 white nylon rugby shorts with short legs, the kind which let me see just how good his legs were \u2013 thighs firm and muscular, sprinkled with dark hair, calves sweetly curved, and nice feet. Laugh if you like, but I like good feet. He was a looker in the other way too. He looked at me, then away, then eyed some chicks walkin\u2019 along in the sun, then looked back. I nodded when he looked the third time.
\u201cG\u2019day.\u201d he said. His voice was a bit deep, a bit gruff and it kinda did things to my stomach. Gazza had fucked off somewhere like he did and I was on my own. Why not? I thought, I\u2019m not married to Gazza. So I said \u201cG\u2019day\u201d back.
\u201cBeaut day, huh?\u201d
\u201cYeah.\u201d
\u201cYou from round here?\u201d
\u201cNah. The city. A flat in Carlton.\u201d For some reason I didn\u2019t mention my \u2018flatmate\u2019.
\u201cYeah I live in the city, mostly. You down just for the day, mate?\u201d
\u201cWeekend.\u201d
\u201cIs there anythin\u2019 on tonight? Ya know, like a party?\u201d
\u201cUsually somethin\u2019. We\u2019ll ask around later.\u201d
\u201cYeah, good. My name\u2019s Mattie.\u201d
\u201cJames.\u201d
Mattie stood up, walked towards me, and reached out his hand. I sat up and shook it, lookin\u2019 up at him. His face was shadowed. I couldn\u2019t see his expression, just the flash of his white teeth against tanned skin. He picked up his towel and put it closer to mine. Not too close, but close enough. I took another glance at his body. I started to get a fatty. Man. I didn\u2019t even know if he was interested and already I was thinkin\u2019 thoughts. I couldn\u2019t help it. He was a beaut bloke.
We talked some more, just general chat.
It was hot, lyin\u2019 still in the sun. \u201cI\u2019m cookin\u2019,\u201d said Mattie, leverin\u2019 himself up from his towel. \u201cI\u2019m goin\u2019 in for a quickie.\u201d
\u201cA quickie, huh?\u201d I replied. \u201cI\u2019ll come with you.\u201d
He gave me a sharp look then laughed. \u201cPuns are us, huh?\u201d
Damn. Mustn\u2019t make risqu\u00e9 jokes.
The water was chilly. We dived into the first big wave comin\u2019 in and it was all blue and green and icy after the heat on the beach.
Mattie yelped and laughed. \u201cFuck! It\u2019s freezin\u2019!\u201d
\u201cMan, you are such a wuss!\u201d
Mattie leapt on me and we both fell into the water. I swallowed some water and coughed. \u201cI\u2019ll get you for that, dude!\u201d We horsed around for maybe ten minutes but it got too cold. As we went back to the shore, Mattie was a bit ahead of me. Through the wet nylon of his rugby shorts I could see the shape of his speedos, blue and white vertical stripes, carefully cuddlin\u2019 and shapin\u2019 his bum. I started to get hard again. Luckily the water was so cold no one could see.
We lay a bit more in the sun then I suggested we get lunch. There was a caravan parked in a bay off the beach road sellin\u2019 hot dogs and chips, and we walked over to it. Every metre along the way I was conscious of his body, of the slight spring in his step as he walked, of his thigh muscles clenchin\u2019 and relaxin\u2019. There was a thin trickle of sweat either side of his spine in the dip between the swell of his back muscles. I wanted to lick it, to follow it down his spine to his butt, to keep goin\u2019 until I reached the sweet cleft of his arse and the hole within.
I must have looked a bit dazed. \u201cYou OK, mate?\u201d he asked, worried. When I took a moment or two to answer, he asked again, \u201cJames? Anythin\u2019 wrong?\u201d
\u201cNah. No worries, Mattie.\u201d He\u2019d remembered my name! Gazza had forgotten it when he and I first met. Even after the second or third fuck he still hadn\u2019t remembered. I was pretty happy Mattie had remembered. It felt good. It felt like he cared. Then a warnin\u2019 voice in my head said don\u2019t fall for him, he\u2019s straight.
We sat on the low stone wall facin\u2019 the beach and ate our hot dogs and chips and cokes. We shared the packet of chips. It was kinda intimate takin\u2019 stuff from the same paper bowl he was eatin\u2019 out of. Every so often I would sneak a look at the shorts, at the bulge held in by the shiny nylon. Now that I knew it was there, I could see the blue stripes of his Aussiebum through the white fabric. His tummy was so flat that when he sat he had only a few thin folds. I had to look away and quickly rearrange myself. There\u2019s no easy way to hide a fatty in a pair of speedos. I put my elbows on my knees and leaned forward.
\u201cWhen\u2019re ya goin\u2019 back to the city?\u201d I asked.
\u201cSunday.\u201d
\u201cWhere\u2019re ya stayin\u2019?\u201d
\u201cI got a house on the road to Geelong.\u201d
\u201cA house? A whole fuckin\u2019 house?\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s no biggie,\u201d he replied, lookin\u2019 uncomfortable.
I wanted to tease him a bit, get back at him for wantin\u2019 to fuck him and not bein\u2019 able to.
\u201cNo? But you have a flat in Carlton, too?\u201d
\u201cYeah. I only rent the flat.\u201d
\u201cSo what\u2019s with the house?\u201d
\u201cI inherited it from my granda\u2019. It\u2019s nothin\u2019 special. Just an old house.\u201d
\u201cCool.\u201d I thought for a bit. Gazza was prolly gone for the day. Who knew when the fuck he\u2019d be back? Once he\u2019d gone back to the city without me. I had to hitch to Geelong and catch the train from there and I only got home at ten at night. When I complained he said, \u201cDon\u2019t be such a fuckin\u2019 princess.\u201d But in bed he\u2019d made love to me, and afterwards he cuddled me which he didn\u2019t usually do, and it was OK. \u201cCan I come and see your house? I\u2019ve had a lot of sun, I should prolly get out of the sun for a bit.\u201d If I had any ulterior motive, well, I wasn\u2019t lettin\u2019 on, even to myself. Ulterior motive. Sounds like an expensive cupboard or a food processor. Italian. Enjoy the luxurious new Ulteriore Motivo.
\u201cYeah. Let\u2019s go get our gear. You c\u2019n follow in your car.\u201d
\u201cI don\u2019t have one. I mean\u2026 I came down with a friend.\u201d
He looked at me inquirin\u2019ly.
\u201cMy flatmate.\u201d
\u201cWhere is he? Would he like to come too?\u201d
\u201cNah. He\u2019s gone off somewhere.\u201d
Somethin\u2019 in my tone must have alerted him to my real feelin\u2019s, because he looked at me for a minute, his face blank. Then he gave me a sweet smile and said, \u201cC\u2019mon then. Let\u2019s go.\u201d
He didn\u2019t have a surfboard rack on his car but it didn\u2019t matter. It was an old Kingswood station wagon, rusted and a bit worn and tatty, but big, so we put the board in the back. We didn\u2019t bother to get changed. I only had my wetsuit, and some shorts and a t-shirt in my backpack. You\u2019re not supposed to drive in thongs or without a shirt but Mattie did anyway.
The house was an Edwardian wooden bungalow, with boards which were once white but which were all peelin\u2019 now, and Windsor-green doors and window frames and veranda posts. The garden was full of ancient cedars and a couple of oak trees and creepers and the sound of doves. It was so cool and nice. I envied him this place. My flat was fuckin\u2019 horrible. Inside the house, it was filled with nineteen-fifties furniture and decorations but the sofas and armchairs were comfortable. It felt warm and friendly. It reminded me of my grandparents\u2019 house. I\u2019d been happy there.
\u201cWere you close to your granda?\u201d I asked.
\u201cYeah. He was a top bloke. He taught me how to play footy and how to do a lot of stuff. I miss him.\u201d Mattie\u2019s face was suddenly a bit drawn. \u201cHe\u2019s been dead a year, and I still think of him.\u201d
\u201cYeah. It\u2019s hard when you love someone.\u201d We were quiet for a moment. \u201cYou said you live in the city.\u201d
\u201cYeah. I\u2019m thinkin\u2019 of movin\u2019 out here. But I\u2019d be lonely. So I haven\u2019t. But I come down to swim when I can.\u201d
\u201cCan you get a job down here?\u201d
\u201cYeah. I reckon. I\u2019m a \u2018lectrician.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m a carpenter. I\u2019d like to live round here. I could surf every day. Can you surf?\u201d
\u201cNah.\u201d Mattie smiled a little, not in a superior way, just kinda relaxed, easy.
\u201cI can teach you,\u201d I said.
He looked at me for a second. You know that feelin\u2019 where you sense somethin\u2019 magical is about to happen, where time seems suspended, where the air is so still you hear your own breathin\u2019? Well that\u2019s what happened right then. We just looked into each other\u2019s eyes and it was like the fuckin\u2019 songs. Magic.
\u201cCool.\u201d He didn\u2019t need to say any more.
\u201cHey,\u201d I said. \u201cMaybe you need someone to live here with you. So you\u2019re not so alone.\u201d
\u201cYeah,\u201d he said. He smiled. Fuck, my heart turned upside down.
Then I felt stupid. What the fuck was I sayin\u2019 this shit for? He was straight. And anyway, no one was interested in me. Jeez. But for the first time in months I wasn\u2019t thinkin\u2019 of Gazza. It felt good, even if fuck all happened with Matt.
\u201cI\u2019m hungry,\u201d said Mattie. \u201cLunch wasn\u2019t that much.\u201d
I nodded. We had Vegemite toast and tea. And a beer. Then he rolled a joint and we smoked it. Each drag I took I could feel his spit on the joint. It was good.
We were still in our beach gear, me in my Speedos, him in his striped Aussiebums under the white shorts. Weed did what it always does to me. It made me randy. I wanted him so much. I wanted to fuck him deep and hard and long. I wanted him in me. I wanted to taste every part of his body, to slide my tongue into every crevice and cleft, every-fuckin\u2019-where. I wanted to kiss him, to mash my lips against his, to slide my tongue as far as it would go down his throat. I got up quickly. Fuck! What was I thinkin\u2019? I had a huge fuckin\u2019 fatty under the stretchy blue lycra of my Speedos.
\u201cWhere\u2019s the dunny, mate?\u201d
\u201cAt the end of the corridor.\u201d He was watchin\u2019 me.
I hauled my cock out, fat with desire, and tried to pee. It took a while. I was tempted to have a quick wank, get rid of some of the tension, but I knew Mattie might notice somethin\u2019. As I walked out of the bathroom, I saw through the open door a bedroom with a big double bed in it, with an old fashioned cupboard and sideboard and mirror and I was suddenly filled with sorrow and longin\u2019. I imagined myself in bed on a Sunday mornin\u2019, havin\u2019 coffee and toast with someone (and the image of Mattie crept uninvited into my mind), readin\u2019 the Sunday papers and then makin\u2019 love in the crumbs, of comin\u2019 home from work at five o\u2019clock and hearin\u2019 the sound of the kettle which someone had just put on, of evenin\u2019s together with a DVD and sixpack of beers and takeaway pizza and my head on his lap. I sure as fuck wasn\u2019t gonna get that with Gazza. I wanted to fuckin\u2019 bawl.
Mattie took one look at my face and asked, \u201cEverythin\u2019 OK, Jamie?\u201d
The \u2018Jamie\u2019 was too much. My b*****r had called me Jamie, my friends. It seemed so intimate and lovin\u2019 and I choked on my reply, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.
\u201cHey, man,\u201d Matt said, gettin\u2019 up from his armchair.
\u201cNo!\u201d I cried, puttin\u2019 my hands up in a wardin\u2019 gesture. \u201cNo\u2026 I\u2019ll be OK in a minute.\u201d I sat for a bit, waitin\u2019 for my heart to stop beatin\u2019, tryin\u2019 to get back my equilibrium. \u201cSorry,\u201d I said at last.
\u201cNo worries\u201d he said. There was a long silence. Flies buzzin\u2019 against the glass, the tick of an old grandfather clock. \u201cYa wanna talk about it?\u201d
\u201cI just\u2026 I dunno. I just want somebody, ya know? Some guys just want a root but I want somebody to come home to.\u201d
\u201cYa friend?\u201d
\u201cMy flatmate.\u201d I poured all the scorn I could into the word. \u201cHe likes fuckin\u2019 me. But he doesn\u2019t love me. I don\u2019 want that. I want to be\u2026\u201d
\u201cYeah,\u201d he said quietly, his eyes on me. \u201cYeah.\u201d
I realised too late that I\u2019d let him know I was havin\u2019 sex with a bloke. Maybe it was the dope, I dunno, but I just knew I had to get away. I stood up abruptly. \u201cI gotta go\u201d I said, heart poundin\u2019.
I started to move towards the door. I opened it, fumblin\u2019. I\u2019d hitch back to the beach. Guys were always hitchin\u2019 here, people were used to surfboards and surfers. I heard Mattie call me, \u201cJamie, wait. C\u2019mon, please! Jamie!\u201d but I kept on walkin\u2019. Suddenly I was rugby-tackled from behind and went straight down onto the lawn. Then Mattie turned my head to one side and was kissin\u2019 me hard, his tongue in my mouth, clever and strong and urgent, his body big and firm and strong on mine. There was no noise, just our pantin\u2019, the sound of the road a hundred metres away, the thud of our hearts. His hand reached own to the seat of my Speedo, and pulled it down. I felt him push down his own shorts and Aussibums. I heard him spit into his hand, then his hand reached down to my cleft and I felt his finger slide into me and then the spit was rubbed onto my hole. He hitched his shorts and swim briefs lower and I felt the wet rock-hard head of his cock pressin\u2019 against me.
He started kissin\u2019 me frantically again and pushed in and jeez. It was kinda brutal. Not sore. Just\u2026 It was brilliant. It was fuckin\u2019 heaven. He started thrustin\u2019, never stoppin\u2019 kissin\u2019 me. My head was still turned sideways. His mouth was on mine. He was makin\u2019 little noises of lust and love. I was gettin\u2019 a crick in my neck. I didn\u2019t care. It was so good. So passionate. He needed me. He wanted me. Gazza had never needed me. When he was randy, yeah. But the raw strong emotion? Nah.
Didn\u2019t last long.
I felt him come into me. He gave a small sigh. Then he turned us both onto our side. He stayed inside me. That\u2019s easier if you do it with spit as lube. He spat on his hand again and took my cock and did me nice and slow. I felt him start to get hard inside me and I pushed back against him and he started to thrust into me again and this time it was even better than the first. I came into his hand and he took my jizz and licked it up.
We lay together, our speedos round our ankles. His arms held me close like he already loved me.
\u201cI wanted to do that since I saw you on the beach. You are so fuckin\u2019 hot.\u201d
\u201cMe? Jeez, Mattie, you are a fuckin\u2019 dream.\u201d
\u201cNah.\u201d He was strokin\u2019 my stomach, my arms, my thighs, my bum, every part of me, like I was somethin\u2019 precious. \u201cNah. You are.\u201d
Man. On the lawn. If someone came up to the house they\u2019d see us there, all sweaty and covered with jizz, our fuckin\u2019 gear off.
Mattie kissed the back of my neck. \u201cYa still gonna teach me to surf?\u201d
\u201cYeah. Sure. Long as ya wear those striped speedos and those shorts.\u201d
I could hear the smile in his voice, the fuckin\u2019 charmer. \u201cAlways, \u201d he said.
He even wore them at our marriage, under his mornin\u2019 suit. And I wore my sapphire Speedos. He looked so fuckin\u2019 fuckable in his starched shirt and striped jacket and bow tie, especially since I knew what he had on underneath. It was all I could do not to drag him to the dunny at the reception and fuck him silly. But I waited till the motel. I\u2019m a married man now. I gotta behave.
\n